Kiss me I’m Irish
A few weeks back, my Dad sent me an email.
When I read it, my jaw dropped to my chest.
Let me start with a little back story.
My Dad has never really known who his father was.
When we study his/our genealogy, we know much of his mother’s ancestry going back to the 1400’s in England, and including very early pilgrims to America (mid 1600’s). My grandmother always told us that her line was related to the Boleyn’s (of Anne Boleyn fame) and thus relating us to Queen Elizabeth I. I’ve never verified the connection, but it would be super cool if it were true.
But his father’s side is a blank. My grandmother would never, even when she was dying, share any information about my father’s paternity. As he’s gotten older, it’s a fact that has bothered my Dad more, despite his occasional joking that he is a Royal Bastard ; ).
So for his birthday this year, we gave my Dad DNA testing. If he can’t know his father’s name, maybe we could, at least, know what part of the world we come from.
There was much speculation in our family about his origin. My Dad is a handsome guy, with dark hair (before his grey) and hazel eyes. My sister guessed that we might be Greek, since we all love Greek food ; ).
My Dad’s hair used to be so dark, many of us all thought she might be right in thinking Mediterranean.
So you can imagine our surprise when the email came with a comprehensive analysis of my Dad’s paternal DNA:
87% Irish!
WHAT! Shut the front door!
Can I tell you how fun it is to find out I’m almost 25% Irish!
It’s been quite a buzz at our home… Lily said, “I’m a little Irish and so is Finnegan (our dog)!” (He is a Wheaten Terrier.) Ben suggested we make Irish stew, one of his favorite meals, to celebrate. He’s even writing a country report about Ireland for his 6th grade class. I’m thinking an Irish Chain quilt is a must on my to do list.
Isn’t technology amazing? We now have this wonderful connection to our past by just a little DNA. Wow, is just about all I can say.
Very exciting Calli! That must feel good to know. And yes, I really think you should make an irish chain quilt. I love irish chains! :)
Amber
That’s awesome. What company did you use? We just had DNA testing done on our twins. We know their heritage but the claim by the midwives/ultrasound tech that they are fraternal seemed really off. Now we know- they are identical. It really is amazing how a few swabs of the cheek can reveal so much!
The company was called Family Tree DNA. Here is the link to the website: http://www.familytreedna.com/
I had no idea you could do that? What a blessing for all those out there who might have never known.
P.S. My maiden name is Kennedy, it’s a done deal ;)
Given the relationship between the English and the Irish around the time that your father would have been born, I’m not surprised that your grandmother kept his father’s identity a secret. If her family knew that she has been “consorting” with a Irishman, they might well have disowned her.
This would have been more likely if her family was upper class or if members of her family had been involved in any of the English-Irish disputes. For example, if she had a brother or an uncle who had been killed, it would definitely have been out of the question to produce an Irish father for her child. If he was both Irish and from a much lower class than her, he would have been equally unwelcome.
I’m not certain from the information you’ve provided but I gather that she was a single parent. That would have been difficult enough at that time but, without the support of her family, it could have been impossible. If she had been cast out of her family, your father would have had no extended family. This way, he at least had her side.
Without the support of her family, she might also have had to give him up. I suspect that there were very few palatable options open to her and she chose what she thought would benefit her baby the most. I can’t imagine that things would have been very easy for her.
Even on her deathbed, she would not have told him who his father was because she would no doubt have still been afraid of the possible repercussions. Memories in England and Ireland are long and she would have been trying to protect him. It must have been an incredible burden for her to carry as she was raising him. From the way you talk about your dad, she obviously did a good job in very trying circumstances.
The other thing you may want to consider is that she could well have married his father in secret. That would have legitimized your father and, even if she couldn’t tell anyone, it would have made it easier to hold her head up against the reactions she would have gotten in so-called “polite society”.
His father could also have died before your dad was born, in which case, there would be nothing to gain and a lot to lose by identifying him. That would be particularly true if he died fighting against the British.
Sorry this is so long – you know how the Irish are when they get going with a story. I’m 100% Irish so I can’t help it!!
Your father is most likely what is referred to as “black Irish”. I have a friend who is, and she has very dark coloring, almost Greek or Spanish, much like your father. Researching the history of this group of people may give you some clues as to why your Grandmother would never identify him. Good Luck!!
We just think your dad is a great man. It’s been our pleasure to know him and your mom. We need to catch up with them again at dinner sometime soon.
It’s interesting to see an explanation given from someone who’s Irish, and probably from or living “over there” (Linda L). On this side of the pond, we are sort of immune to the nuances of British vs. Irish (or Scots-Irish) enmity. Especially, living in Utah, we have our own sorts of issues to deal with.
The short story, from the “dad in question” is: my Mom was married, unhappily to an alcoholic and was separated. He was off in the Pacific in the Navy. She had an affair and I’m the product of that affair. For my sake, I carry his name, but I’m not his son.
My Mother lived with the lie so long she wasn’t going to give it up, particularly since she had been married for 45 years in her new life and this revelation would not have been well received.
So much for the sordid details! My Mom was a good mother, very intelligent, a good citizen, of high integrity, etc. For most of my life, I lived the lie with her because I didn’t care and it wasn’t important. I started to become more interested as time went on, partly because my daughters showed more interest than I did.
There you go! It has been very interesting finding out about the Irish connections. As an American–I don’t much put much on it but it is fun to know. My wife and I are now considering a trip to “the green isle” to make connections. Also, familytreedna.com keeps updating me on distant cousins–maybe one day we’ll make a real close one and I’ll get a family name.
Respectfully,
Dad